I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
