I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
