I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
