yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
