dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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