R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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