i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
