1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
