okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
