omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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