if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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