Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
