dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize