Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
