plz talk dirty to me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
