My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
