don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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