Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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