I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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