In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
