I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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