Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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