It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
operation have a gay friend backfired
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
