There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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