Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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