There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
