Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
