If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
