If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
