I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
