guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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