I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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