You're earring is so big in my mouth
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They took my balls.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
