question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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