well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
