i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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