so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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