just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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