I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
