oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
