Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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