I love black thongs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize