You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
People in love make me want to vomit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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