If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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