i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
