I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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