Sponge bath it is.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
