East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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