saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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