you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
