Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize