Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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