I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
