did you get engaged???
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
