hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
