Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
