Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
