This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
