i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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