Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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