Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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