i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
