god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
