is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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