I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
