grandma shit on top of the toilet
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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