I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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