then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
