She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
