Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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