I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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