just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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