If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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