i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You're like the curious george of whores
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
