Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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