Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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