How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
