I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
