I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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