if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
