i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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