Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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