Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
