How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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