Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
