i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
