The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
