Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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