I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
