4 words: hood of his car
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We're too hungover to prance.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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